I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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