Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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