I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
