and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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