I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
