That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
