I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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