I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
