My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
