I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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