Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
