he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
