so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
