She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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