i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
