sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
