he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
