I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
