so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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