Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
