it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
