At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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