i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
