Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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