Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
