So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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