your thong is hanging out like whoa
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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