I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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