I'll bet she douches with gravy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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