I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
