slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
