You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
