there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
