i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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