I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
