No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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