apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
