He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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