I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
