i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
