I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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