I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
