I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
