I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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