I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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