On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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