You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
