who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She bit a glass in half.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
