All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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