Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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